Welcome to this conference about retirement
which we have divided into two parts.
In this first part we will talk about what it can
mean to reach the end of the working stage.
Retirement is a longed-for and awaited milestone for many
people and a word that at the same time has many other connotations
besides the fact of ending the working stage.
What does it mean
to retire?
How did I get here?
How will this impact
my life from now on?
We will try to answer these and other questions with some brushstrokes
that help us to reflect on the topics.
Look, life is like a train
in which we travel.
When it gains constant speed
we hardly realize that it is moving
we look out the window and if we don't see the trees
moving, we are not conscious that the train is in motion
but, in fact, it moves.
And it keeps moving forward.
Until we arrive at a station,
then the train stops
we check where we are
and become aware that we have covered a part of the journey.
Well, the moment of retirement is one of those stations
that makes us realize that in our life journey
we have already completed a significant part.
And what does this mean?
Well, in other words, this means
that time has passed.
And therefore
we have grown old.
And depending on how we relate
to the fact
of getting older and growing old, this can generate
somewhat contradictory and not always pleasant emotions that we will have to know how to
manage.
Indeed, retirement implies that an stage ends.
But
in fact, life is a succession of beginnings and ends.
And every time we reach an end
we have to grieve
and retirement is not an exception.
And why do we have to grieve?
What is grief?
Grief is the process of adaptation
to a loss.
To any type of loss.
And whenever there is an end in life
there are associated losses
and the same happens when we retire.
And this grief is necessary to do actively
and consciously.
Because this,
retiring is not as simple as, look, I finish on Friday
and I don't come to work on Monday and that's it... it's not that easy.
In fact, we remember,
we often keep in mind,
that
which happens
that, we expected it so much,
that when the moment arrives
instead of feeling euphoric
we feel
strange, we feel
disappointed or even empty.
That is why
facing these losses,
well, for some people it will be easier than for others,
but everyone will have to go through the process of facing
some of these losses and thus go through a grieving process.
And what can this or these losses be?
Well, for example, first the occupation, loss of occupation, of activity
but also the loss of relationships we had at work
the loss of recognition, of the status that gave us
the loss of a source of satisfaction
the loss of motivation to get up in the morning.
The loss of the feeling of belonging to an institution, a group or an entity.
This will be different for each of us
but everyone will experience some type of loss.
And being aware of what we lose
or what is ending... that is reaching its end.
It helps us
to have a good closure of the process
and to be understanding with ourselves
if we spend dull days
or with anxiety
or with a strange feeling inside that will be a consequence of the turmoil
or the emotional movement that has occurred within us
precisely because we are assuming a series of losses.
Curiously, we have two opposing models of retirement.
On the one hand, we have an almost advertising model
of a vibrant, hyperactive retired person
who overflows with vitality and health
and is capable of doing anything they set their mind to and does not have to give up anything
these are the models shown in commercials.
On the other hand,
we have a whole series of myths
of prejudices and preconceived ideas
that are part of popular legend,
and which can generate
a certain prevention in us.
Such as, for example
associating retirement
with boredom.
With filling time with minor or unstimulating tasks.
With a progressive loss of influence in a world that moves too fast for us.
With feeling more and more sidelined by the youth.
With being more and more alone
among other
ideas of this kind that circulate.
Well, neither one thing nor the other.
They are two opposite poles
and that is why we need to be sensible,
to be realistic, to keep our feet on the ground.
And not to fall into the trap of advertising expectations
because it's not like that either,
but also not to fall into the descending slope
of discouragement or pessimism.
And the great advantage we have
is that, to a large extent,
this period
can be whatever we want it to be.
But, for this, we need to prepare ourselves
to adapt to a new scenario such as
retirement.
And this adaptation, this new scenario has a lot to do
with our ability to manage
changes in our lives.
In a society like ours.
So addicted to security,
that tolerates uncertainty very poorly,
change always poses a challenge.
We have a strong tendency to move
in the territory we know,
to tread on familiar ground.
Because that makes us feel more secure.
When there is a change, the territory
is no longer so familiar or is unknown
and this brings us back to insecurity and uncertainty... well,
being retired is a change that involves entering unknown territory.
Because we have not been retired before retiring
and at most, what we know is what people
who have retired before us have told us.
Continuing with the topic of change
every important
change in life obliges us,
within this process of adaptation,
to make a new balance within ourselves.
We have a kind of internal scale
with some pans
in which the different dimensions
and elements that configure our life
and our person are placed.
Well, in the pans of the scale at the moment
of retirement there will be many components
that will be modified.
And therefore,
by changing components, we will have to make a new balance of forces
to maintain this balance within ourselves and
this harmony that we need for our well-being.
Because retirement not only impacts the issue of activity,
but retirement involves changes and sometimes profound changes in all dimensions
of our life and, therefore, the changes that will occur in this balance
will be important and this will oblige us to make this
new balance.
For example,
for some people
work will have played a very important role in their lives, for others not.
For some people,
the recognition or status provided
by the job will have been a very important element.
Or for other people, the relationships they maintain
with the people they work with will be very important,
and all this
will be modified when the work activity ends.
Therefore, when we stop working , we will have to find a new balance
taking into account that this
which was so important to us, this component which was so important,
will no longer be there.
And we will have to accept that this new balance will be different from the previous one.
In fact, it is a process that you have already done other times
in your life when an important change has occurred,
well, with retirement
it will be necessary to do it and it will be necessary to do it
thoroughly because, as I say, retirement touches all dimensions of our person.
Let's talk about another key issue.
In Western society,
doing has a lot, a lot of weight.
We are the society of doing.
It seems that if you don't do
things, you are nobody,
nor are you visible.
Being very busy, doing many things,
is valued positively even with admiration.
Once again, advertising models always present us with people
who are very busy.
Therefore, this arouses admiration, and we
have the feeling that we must feel busy,
Full agendas make us feel more alive.
They make us feel that we are making the most of our time.
They even make us feel that we are more important.
Precisely because of this, it is very difficult for us to live with inactivity,
with "not doing".
And when this happens...
we don't quite feel well, we don't quite feel comfortable,
we can end up feeling
a little useless or feeling directly bad.
On the other hand,
we also have a strong tendency
to identify ourselves
with what we do.
Think, for example, when they introduce you to someone you don't know,
after asking their name, the next question is usually what do you do for a living.
By the way, you can no longer say that you dedicate yourself to this or that
other thing, but you will have to say that you are retired or that you used to dedicate
yourself to such and such a thing.
And the fact is that activities define us.
They give us identity.
They give us recognition.
This role
that we adopt or that we play at work, we've used it so much...
that it's already part of our skin.
And this
can cause that when the work activity ends, stops,
a kind of
crisis
or void can occur.
Because of course, if I feel that I am
what I do,
and I can no longer do it...
Then, who am I?
And this
is applicable both to the work environment and outside of work.
For example, sometimes an activity we do for leisure,
artistic, sporty... Whatever it is.
We have to stop doing it
for health reasons,
for reasons of age or for circumstances that
be and it seems like the world is already coming down on us,
that everything is falling apart for us.
But, the reality is that we are much more than what we do.
We are much more than what we do, we are not just what we do, we are much more than that.
And understanding this idea,
assuming this thought, integrating it, making it conscious,
is a first, essential step
to face
the progressive or reduction of activity that we may
experience with retirement or with the passage of time
without this having a negative impact
on us.
And besides that,
there is another element, very important to take into account, which we can call
the productivity chip.
We live in a culture
that values productivity,
that values efficiency
that values visible results,
tangible results.
And in a certain way,
we carry the programming of this productivity
within us, which we have
internalized for a long time.
And in retirement, if you are not careful, this "chip"
can make us feel that we are not doing anything productive.
That is,
if you are not attentive, the person
may have the feeling
of little usefulness if they do not do things that translate into tangible results.
And then
on the one hand, they will feel bad, they will feel
useless and on the other hand, this can push them
to seek activities
no matter what, without thinking much.
And the thing is,
the empty agenda
causes us vertigo,
it causes a certain vertigo
and precisely this empty agenda and this vertigo push us
to fill the agenda with anything, and this
we must be careful about because it is a bit dangerous.
Let's think that for many,
if you have not experienced, for example, a long period of unemployment
or sick leave for whatever reason,
you will face for the first time
this inactivity that can be
an unknown sensation and you need to be prepared
to be able to manage it better.
And a third aspect,
in addition to the issue of doing,
is that we have a strong tendency to be very focused on the future.
To what we have to do.
To what we want to do.
To what we want to achieve.
We are teleological,
we live for a purpose.
And this is not a coincidence,
it's a social issue.
The past is not valued much,
it is not valued much.
And, on the other hand,
the older we get,
the more important the past is,
the more important it is to deal with it,
not to forget everything.
Let's take an example, when we read a book,
to understand it,
to know how to interpret it,
we don't start on page three hundred or four hundred, we have to read it all.
We must keep in mind
all the content of the book to understand what is happening now.
So in the same way,
our past is part of our history,
and it is what makes us understand who we are now.
Who we are now is largely the result of what we have
lived until now, what we have lived before.
Therefore, all this stage that we are now archiving
is part of our past and our person, and sometimes it seems
that only what we look ahead to can motivate or excite us
due to the inertia of doing that I mentioned before.
But as life goes on,
the exercise of extracting satisfaction
from what we have already done
from what we have done
takes more and more importance.
And it's not about being nostalgic,
nor about thinking that any past time was better,
but about reconciliation
with our past.
And that is a task that is also important to do
and that will favor our well-being.
The past is not
just a memory,
it is not just something we look back at
but it is a component of our person that lives in us.
It lives in our unconscious, we don't realize it, but it is there.
And it conditions our level of well-being
or discomfort because everything is related.
If I am reconciled with my past,
this will favor my well-being,
if I am not reconciled with my past,
this will favor my discomfort.
Therefore, it is worth dedicating some time to value
what we have done.
To be very conscious of what we have already lived,
but, above all, to do it with a positive
and understanding gaze
towards ourselves because it is not the time to do an analysis to see
what we did well and above all what we did wrong, that we immediately blame ourselves for things.
It's not that,
what we have to do is make this assessment
by valuing
everything
we have done. Valuing the effort, valuing the trajectory
that we have lived in all our life stages.
And this is a task that
can be done more calmly now,
more slowly,
but it will condition, in good measure,
the transition to the new stage
and our integration in this new scenario.
And a final point
that is also very important to mention,
it's about resilience.
Resilience is the ability to adapt to adversity
and the changes that life imposes on us.
And the fact of adapting
to what is coming
and it is a kind of training
for other life situations that we may
live, experience
And to finish this first part,
another aspect on which we can make a brief reflection is
the legacy we leave at work.
For many years we have contributed time, we have contributed dedication,
we have contributed effort,
we have participated in projects
we have established relationships.
And perhaps we would like all this
to have a continuity for our learning, our background,
all the knowledge we have acquired
would not be lost and would not leave with us.
Perhaps there will be a transition that facilitates the transmission
of all this knowledge and experience to others
or maybe not.
Maybe we are concerned about how those who come after us will do it
or maybe we don't care.
And perhaps we will have to accept
that those who come
will do it very differently from us.
Be that as it may,
we will have to learn
to do an exercise in detachment
to let go.
Because we will no longer be there.
And this
is precisely also part of this healthy closing process
of this stage.